7.08.2006

all's quiet...

there is something about the routinized expectations of the academic year that i sorely miss when summer hits. don't get me wrong - i love staying up until 4, sleeping in until 11 and leisurely moving between writing, editing, tv watching, old movie devouring, and recipe inventing... however, this summer is oozing with expectation and anticipated-moving-to-fully-realized frustration. this is the summer where so much was supposed to happen, and now, it's half over. i fully blame my lack of meetings, classes, and office hours, which i was itching to get a break from as may rolled around. this is about more than "grass is greener" syndrome - it's a harsh realization that perhaps...maybe...routine helps us be more productive.
ok, i don't mean this in quite the cheeky way it sounds. it's just that i spend so much of my waking time arguing for reduced structures, less rigidity, and more flexibility in the education of and for youth, yet i sit here secretly - although, not so secretly anymore - craving rigidity myself. it's not as if deadlines aren't looming - they are a'plenty! - and that todo lists don't exist - they do, in triplicate! - but rather, there is a camaraderie that exists during the academic year that i feel lost without during the summer. it is perhaps why i sought out not one, but two groups of fabulous women as writing groups to support the dissertation writing process; why i get a high after talking with colleagues and attending conference presentations (albeit, while not always paying attention) and get more focused writing down in the hours following these events than when i have hours, days, weeks, even months ahead of me where little time is structured. i am a poster child for the notion that learning is social...and perhaps that social, for me, needs to be put on my calendar and be in the midst of warm black tea - either blackberry sage or a chai blend will do nicely.
i have read other colleagues blogs and public declarations that there is never not enough to write, but just not enough time to write it all. i agree. and have notebooks and word documents filled with pages of thoughts, article starts, and commentaries to prove my allegiance to these declarations. yet, here i sit, in the bookstore of my alma mater, wishing i had less time so that i could get more done.

1 comment:

DrCammack said...

I think I understand this one. I am teaching too much (financial pressures and all) and yet i think i might be getting more writing and thinking done b/c I have to get my act together and teach each night. Probably the intellectual engagement w. the students is keeping me from sinking into a full, week-long Buffy and ya lit coma -- although I hear it calling to me...